Grouchy Mom

Seth is how old?

        Yesterday my youngest child celebrated his 16th birthday.   It seems very strange to me, that my baby is now this old.   He's grown from a chubby, grinning toddler with a head full of black curls to a handsome young man with so much to offer.  I am very proud of Seth, and (God willing) someday he is going to be a fantastic husband and father.   

        I've said many times that I don't consider myself the type of parent who will be lost when the kids leave home, and I stand by that statement.   I will admit that it's going to be weird, though.   In the last year or so, they've been going their own ways more and more, which has given me just a little taste of what the "empty nest" may feel like.   Most of the time I'm fine, but now and then the strangeness of it catches up to me.   In my head I don't feel that different from how I felt 20 years ago,  but my children  (and my body!) are pointed reminders that time has passed.

         All that aside, it gives Jon and I tremendous satisfaction to see our kids growing into adulthood.  They're all smart, loving, talented people, and I'm glad God gave us the chance to raise them.  And Seth?  Buddy, you got some swagger!! 

Eenie, meenie, miney....

        Mo!  Which way do I go?  I don't know!   The pain of indecisiveness is gnawing at me once again.    Oh, nothing of any great importance, but you'd think it was the end of the world the way I'm carrying on.   Simply put, my mom gave me two gift cards for Christmas - one to JCPenney and one to KnitPicks - and I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want to get. 

        The JCPenney card isn't as hard to figure out as the KnitPicks one, actually.  I'm pretty sure I want to get  new shoes, so I just need to go try some on and decide which ones I like best.    KnitPicks is giving me fits, though.  See, as I've said before, I am a slooooooooooooow knitter.   I am also a very distractible knitter.   Those two facts mean that I rarely finish any major projects.    However, for some unknown reason, I have a little voice in my head telling me that I want to knit a sweater.   A wool sweater.   A nice, bulky, warm wool sweater.  This in defiance of the fact that I live in the land of (almost) eternal summer, and have yet to pull anything heavier than a denim jacket out of my closet this winter.    It should also be noted that I am currently still trying to finish two different pairs of socks, both of which I started more than two years ago.   Yet the voice in my head is quite insistent that I want to knit a sweater. 

        Part of me wants to just give in.  Pick a color, order the yarn, start knitting a sweater.   Another part of me is squeaking  "No, no, no!  Not practical!  Get something practical!"   For example, I have a ball winder  ($.50 at a garage sale! )  but no swift, which would definitely be useful.   I can always use more knitting needles.  There are all sorts of goodies available - all I have to do is choose.  But can I?   Noooooo, I can't!  

        Why is this so hard?  It's not as if there is a right or wrong here.  The gift card is mine to use as I wish.   So why am I being so incredibly indecisive?  I think it's the "gift" part of it that's causing me problems.   When someone gives me a gift, I want to make the best possible use of it.   I don't want to waste someone else's money or effort.   So even though I know that Mom absolutely does not care what I get with that card - as far as she's concerned I could make silk and alpaca toilet-bowl covers - I care.   And that makes it tricky.

        So what do I do?  To be honest, I probably will end up getting wool for a sweater.  I know  in my heart that's what I really want, and if I get something else I'll not be satisfied.   A sweater is always useful, and even if I live in the south for the rest of my days, I know I'll still visit up north.   (deep breath)  Aaaahhh.....I think I just made a decision!  Yay!  

        Now what pattern do I want to use?   Oh noooooooooooo......here I go again!

Night shift

        Since the week before Christmas, poor Jon has been working third shift.  Due to a whole bunch of stuff that I really can't understand, much less explain, hubby has been spending his nights in an unheated warehouse, trying to figure out where 40-bazillion tractor parts are hiding.  This is not fun.

        When Jon told me that this was going to be the state of affairs for a while, I wasn't exactly thrilled, but I figured we'd survive.  And we are surviving, but honestly, all you people who do this month after month, year after year?   You are AMAZING.  This is just sucking the life out of us.  I'm guessing that we're probably just disorganized, undisciplined wimps, but wow is it hard to develop and maintain any kind of family routine right now!   My honey is exhausted.  I'm not always sure what day it is.  The kids are never sure if Dad's sleeping or at work.  It's just a mess.

        Now, theoretically, this should all be over by the end of January.   Short-term thing, no worries, blah blah blah.  So why am I feeling just a little - hmmm - suspicious right now?  Possibly because I've seen how these "short-term things"  can sooooo easily become long-term pains.   It's always easy to get sucked into these issues, but it's rarely easy to get out.   I'm not holding my breath that this time will be any different.   I hope so, but....you know. 

        So we're starting 2012 with a new experience - not necessarily one we wanted, but such is life.  Hopefully we learn a little something from this, beyond the fact that neither of us is happy when sleep-deprived.  :-)  

Just ramblin'....

        Some days I find myself wondering about all sorts of different things - things that aren't necessarily important or even relevant to my life at that moment, but still make me go "Hmmm!"   So today, I am going to share some of these things with you all.  Aren't you thrilled?   (Please, pretend to be thrilled. )

        I cannot tell you how many times since we've moved to South Carolina that I have watched people slow down at a green light - or even stop - only to then cruise through the red light,  usually with several other cars following them.   Is this just a SC thing, or a southern thing, or what?  I've seen plenty of people run red lights or stop signs before, but I've never seen so many people slow down or stop for green lights.  Surely this whole part of the country doesn't suffer from red/green color blindness. 

        We have four dogs, and despite the fact that they are all different ages, sizes, and breeds, they're all black.  We didn't plan to have all black dogs, but that's what happened.  I want to get an Irish Setter just to shake things up.  Jon says no. 

        I'm not an organized person at all.  I misplace things constantly and our house is in a constant state of cluttered chaos.   Yet for some reason, I am completely fascinated with magazines and books that deal with organization, getting rid of clutter and so forth.    I buy them, read them, exclaim over the clever ideas.....and leave them in the corner.  There's something wrong with that.

        Along the same lines, I have dozens - dozens - of knitting books and magazines.  To date, I have completed exactly two (2) projects from any of them.   The other day I bought another magazine. The logic behind this purchase?  Nada.  Zip, zilch, zero.  I saw, I liked, I bought, the end.   Why do I keep doing this?   It's as if some little voice in the back of my mind is whispering  "If you buy enough books/magazines, you WILL eventually knit something from them!"   Like the sheer volume of available patterns will overwhelm me and I'll become a knitting machine.   Yeah, I see that happening.

        (A side note - it is considerably harder to type with one of the small black dogs on my lap.  Warm, though.)

        I am always looking for another purse or pair of shoes.  It's a sickness.  The sad thing is, I don't really like carrying a purse, and a lot of the shoes I like are things I could/would never wear.  They're too high, too pointy, too whatever.   Yet I still look - wistfully, longingly, stupidly.    I got a purse for Christmas that is super cute, but I still put my keys and cell phone in my pocket when I go out. 

        These are some of the things that I wonder about from time to time.  I'm beginning to realize that I am  a bundle of contradictions, and that's just how it is.  I guess as long as I recognize and acknowledge my oddities, and can function around them, it's okay.  Right? 

The end before the beginning

        That sounds like the title of a "Bones" episode, but it's not.  :-)  It's just the best thing I could come up with for this end-of-the-year post.   I've been  composing this in my head for several days now and I'm still not satisfied, but time is running out, so away we go!

        2011 has been a year full of changes for us.  We're in a different part of the country, Jon's in a different industry, we're living in a completely different housing situation....sometimes it makes my head spin.   Luke graduated from high school, went to prom and proved that he could hold down a very challenging job and do it well.  Faith entered her senior year and became a published poet.   Seth has grown both physically and emotionally and has made tremendous improvement in how he deals with his anxiety issues.    I'm very proud of my kids and their progress this year. 

        I'm also very proud of my husband.  This job has been incredibly challenging for him, simply because it's so different from anywhere he's worked over the past 20 years.   The structure has been difficult to deal with at times, but he hangs in there and keeps working to make improvements.   I think he's awesome.  (He won't let me call his boss and say that, though.)

        Looking to 2012, I'm sure there will be more changes in store.  After all, that's life, right?  I know that whatever comes, we'll get through it with God's help and each other, and that's good enough for me.   Happy New Year!

A little visual

    I thought I'd dig up a picture of Boris, since he's been the "star" of the blog this month.  He's grown a bit since this was taken, but getting him to sit still for a picture is almost impossible.  Sorry it's so big, I'm not very good at the whole sizing thing yet. 

Inspiration

        Today is the final day of Blogfestivus, and I just published my final post.  I'm a little disappointed in myself for not keeping on schedule better, but hey, I got 'er done!   It was interesting, trying to come up with something that met the guidelines of the challenge.  I'm not usually that structured, so this was good experience. 

        By the way, in case anyone's wondering, we do have a Boston terrier named Boris.  He's my daughter's pride and joy, and a continual source of amusement for all of us.  We also have three other dogs - Shyla, a Lab/greyhound mix we rescued;  Zeus, a Heinz 57 pup that we took at 6 weeks so he wouldn't be sent to the shelter  (incidentally, he's now almost 70 lbs!); and Frodo, a Jack Russell terrier/chihuahua mix, who is my constant shadow.   Yes, it gets a little crazy at times, but we love them all dearly, and the laughter and joy we get from our dogs makes it all worth it.   Zeus and Boris are best buddies, and it's so funny to watch them play together.  We worry sometimes that Zeus will get distracted and accidentally inhale Boris! 

        So that's where "Boris's Christmas" came from.  I hope someone enjoyed it! 

Boris's Christmas, Part 4

        As Boris watched the Christmas show,  he explored this strange new idea of Christmas happiness without snow.  While ten "lords" leaped around dressed as candy canes, he pondered what really made Christmas special.   Was it really the snow?  Or was it something else?

        Boris's buddies Zeus, Frodo and Shyla wandered into the room.   Seeing that he was deep in thought, they settled down to keep him company, while eleven pipers piped madly and twelve drummers were drumming away in the background.   Boris looked around at them, grateful for their company and support.   What a lucky pup he was, to have such good friends!

        Then it hit him!  Snow wasn't what made Christmas special.  The joy in Christmas came from being with the ones you love.   As Boris thought of the blessings he had, he realized it would indeed be a wonderful Christmas after all.

Boris's Christmas, Part 3

    Boris sat up slowly and shook his head.  What a crazy dream!  Why in the world would he dream about seven swans swimming in his bathtub?  Maybe he'd snitched too many pieces of pepperoni off the boy's plate last night.

    After a leisurely stroll around the yard, Boris sat down to once again consider the lack of snow in South Carolina.  He'd heard the parent-people talking about a snow machine, but he was pretty sure they were joking.  The mom person sure milked it, though - like eight maids, even!   Still, it didn't seem too realistic.

    The boy turned on the tv to watch a Christmas special with nine ladies dancing in fancy costumes.  They seemed so light and happy, but Boris could see there was no snow around them either.  For the first time, Boris wondered - could he have a merry Christmas without snow?

Boris's Christmas, Part 2

        After a long night of contemplating his situation, Boris was no closer to a solution.   He knew that it simply wasn't right for the six geese in the pond across the street to be laying this time of year, but what could he do?   After all, they were just doing what comes naturally.  It wasn't their fault that the southern weather had confused them. 

        Boris curled up in his favorite chair, frustrated and sad.  He knew his girl missed the snow too, but she wasn't old enough to go back north without her parents.  The girl's mom was eager to go, but circumstances just weren't right.   It certainly seemed a complicated business, being human! 

        Zeus, Boris's best friend, wandered into the room.    Clearly concerned by Boris's sad demeanor, he tried to cheer up his buddy to no avail.  Finally he joined Boris in contemplation.