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June 2010
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August 2010

One down....kinda

Yesterday my oldest child celebrated his 18th birthday.  It feels very surreal.  How did 18 years go by so quickly?  I mean, I remember being pregnant with this kid!  Not to mention labor, and his first birthday, and how he learned to ride a bike, and -  and -  oh my.  Just way too much, way too fast. 

Thanks to the laws regarding the age at which a child can enter school in Indiana, Luke still has a year of high school to go.  This means that for the next year (at least) he'll be a student, living under my roof, while at the same time being a legal adult.  It's very weird.  According to the government, Luke can now vote, enter into legally binding contracts, join the military, even get married (oh horrors) without our permission.  I'm sure there are other things he could do as well, but for the moment I choose not to think about that! 

Thankfully, Luke is a thoughtful, mature, responsible young man.  He makes good decisions for himself, and has a gift for helping his friends make good decisions as well.  He's funny as anything, and loves to make people laugh.  Right now he's planning to go into youth ministry, and I think he is very well suited to that....he loves God, loves people, and really wants to help others.   I can see him being an amazing husband and father some day, too - he takes after his dad that way!  His patience with little ones is never-ending, and the woman he marries will be very lucky. 

All in all, I'm very proud of my young man.  Luke has been such a blessing to us from the very beginning, and we are really grateful that God let us be his parents.  Happy Birthday, son!

A little whine and a moan

Attention:  this post is purely and simply a pity-party for yours truly.  I just feel like being Eeyore for a bit.  Feel free to move along. 

I guess I'm slower than I'd like to admit, but it didn't really hit me until this past weekend that I'm depressed.  Plain old bummed.  Granted, depression is pretty much a part of my life anyway, but usually it keeps to the background, you know?  Right now it's sitting on my front step and it doesn't want to go away. 

As I said in my last post, there are reasons - valid reasons - for me to feel this way.  My brother- and sister-in-law are never far from my thoughts, as they're dealing with the loss of their son.  I worry about my mom's health - she is incredibly stubborn, and frequently doesn't tell us when she isn't feeling well because she doesn't want to "worry" us.  Melinda and I haven't been able to get her to understand that not telling us leaves us more room for worry, not less.  ( hard to raise them right!)  And yes, I'm still upset about the stupid craft show.  I lost time and money on that event, which is bad enough; what's worse is the loss of self-confidence. 

All those things have been rolling around in my head for the past few weeks, keeping me awake at night and grouchy during the day.  I'm completely unmotivated to do anything.  To add to the joy, Monday I came down with another lovely UTI.   Someone I love dearly is really struggling with their marriage.  And I still don't want to let my kids out of the house.   Rational or not, the fear of something happening to one of them almost takes my breath away at times.   Oh, and as usual, we're running out of money before we've run out of month. Yippee.

So I decided that maybe I'd just write it all out and see if that helped me get a grip on things.  Sometimes just laying everything out in the open makes things shrink to a more manageable size.  ......    Maybe not this time, though.  Could be I just need to get off my rump and get busy, so I'm not sitting and brooding.   Or maybe I just need to have a good howl and get it all out of my system.  Oddly, it's been very difficult to actually cry since my sinus surgery, and I don't know why.  I know that it will get better.  It's the waiting that hurts. 

Leaving June behind

Man, this last month has been horrible.  Started out bad and never got better.  Usually I love June - summer vacation has started, the weather's nice, etc. etc.   Not this year.

As I mentioned before, I seriously screwed my back up the first week of June.  It took a week of chiropractor visits, ice and ibuprofen before I truly felt better, and I'm still experiencing the occasional warning twinge if I move the wrong way.  Definitely not fun, but I survived.

About 10 days after my back went south, I got a call from my sister telling me that Mom was in the hospital.  She'd gone to the doctor for a regular check-up and mentioned some chest pains; when the doctor did an EKG, he promptly admitted her to the hospital for tests.  Melinda and I both packed up and went to stay at mom's until we knew what was going on, and fortunately everything worked out alright.  Much to our relief, it appears that the pain she has at times is not her heart; in fact, the doctor suspects an ulcer.  Again, not fun, but much easier to deal with than heart issues! 

But then the next week came.  The Saturday evening before Father's Day, Jon's mother called to tell us that our nephew Jonathon had drowned while at a friend's graduation party.   It was a freak accident - he slipped getting onto the people's swimming dock and apparently hit his head.   When he didn't come back up right away, people went into the lake after him but it was already too late.  Needless to say, it was a terrible time for the whole family, but I can't begin to imagine what Brian and Lori (Jonathon's parents) are going through. 

To make me even twitchier, this makes two of Jon's siblings who have lost children.  His sister, Susan, lost her oldest son in a car accident several years ago.  It's hard not to wonder if the rest of us are going to face this issue too.  I've had to fight not to keep my kids locked up the last couple weeks and just let them live their lives as usual. 

And finally, just to add insult to injury, the craft show that I was so excited about was a total bust.  Horribly organized, lousy booth location, miserably hot and humid - for the first time ever, I didn't even clear my booth fee.  I came home wondering if I should just hang it up, quit even trying to make anything out of my little beadie obsession.  In fact, five days later, I haven't even bothered to put away my stuff.  There's still a bin of jewelry and various display pieces sitting in my living room, and I don't even care.

So, I think it's pretty obvious why I'm ready to leave June behind.  I'm just praying July is better.