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December 2012

Ah, life

       Grouchy posting ahead.....proceed at your own risk!


    People say that life is like a rollercoaster ride - lots of ups and downs, unexpected turns, and so forth.  Most of the time I can buy into that analogy.   However, lately it feels like my rollercoaster has a bumper-car segment, and I think I'd like to get off for a bit!

        Oldest son finally found a job (yay!) as a delivery driver for a pizza place.  He knows the assistant manager, it's fairly close to home, he gets decent tips, it's all good.   The problem is that he got rear-ended a few days before he was supposed to start working, and his car was seriously damaged.  (Thankfully he is fine. )   Hubby and I agreed to loan him the money to get another car so he'd have something for work, and he could repay us once the Miata was fixed and sold.   Unfortunately, he got a lemon.  A big, shiny, red lemon.   I'm not sure if son had a brain-fart or what when he drove the thing, but it was a baaaaad purchase.   The menfolk have already put far too many hours and dollars into that car, and it's still not right.  So son has been driving my VW Bug to work, hubby drives the van, and I do whatever I have to do when there's a vehicle available.

        Then came yesterday.  Son called me from work to tell me that the Bug was acting up.  After some back-and-forth, hubby wound up driving home early from his job to meet son at the pizza place and follow him home, because we weren't sure what was going on with the car and I had no way to help out.   Which means that, of the five - FIVE! - vehicles that we currently own, only one is both available and safely driveable.    So this morning hubby drove a rental car to work. 

        At this point, I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry.  The situation is simply ridiculous.  To add to the joy, son wasn't feeling well by the time he got home yesterday and our old dog is acting funny and displaying some unpleasant physical issues  (don't ask, you really don't want to know).  I woke up this morning with a migraine and we're almost out of milk and bread.   I'm waiting for a hump to appear on my back and a wart on my nose, because that's just the way things are going, you know? 

        I know things could be much worse,  I do.  Just sometimes the constant stream of minor frustrations gets a bit overwhelming, and I want it to stop.   Just stop, give me a break, let me catch my breath, okay?   Maybe then I could help out the friends and family who are also getting hit with all sorts of stupid crap, without feeling like I'm letting go of my own life preserver to hand one to them.   

        This will pass, I always does.....but oh, the waiting! 

The loop

                Lately I've been spending waaaaay too much time on Pinterest, perusing the dozens of brilliant ideas for Christmas decorating  (and everything else) that people have shared.  This has led to a strange internal conflict, though.  Part of me wants to immediately begin making Christmas ornaments and printing Christmas recipes and creating homemade Christmas gifts.  This part is pretty loud and insistent.  The other part of me, though, is being - well - a killjoy.  The other part is saying things like "Why bother?  You're not going to be having parties or anything, you don't know enough people down here.  Besides, it just doesn't "feel" Christmasy down here, with no snow and lots of sunshine.  How weird is it going to look to have a house full of snowflakes?  You'll just be depressed because it's not Christmas the way you're used to, so what's the point?"

            Now, let me say right now that the killjoy part of me is having a very large pity party  (again) about still living in the south.  Oh, woe, it's sunny and mild in December, how horrible.  The other part of me is getting much better at smacking the killjoy part down and choosing to enjoy the moment, but still....I've got this little loop playing in my head, and it's getting annoying, you know?   So the question is, how do I handle this?

            Obviously I'm not going to "quit Christmas".  First of all, it's about much more than just snowflakes and candy canes and whether or not it snows on December 25th, and I know that.   So I need to work on keeping my focus where it should be - keeping Christ in Christmas, to borrow the popular phrase.   I know that will help my attitude more than anything.  However, I also need to work on getting past my idea of how Christmas "should" look and realize that I can still have all the fun, playful parts of the holiday just as well here as I did up north.  If my family and I are happy with snowflakes all over the house when it's warm enough outside to wear sandals, then by golly, snowflakes it is!  

            I've said before that I'm a slow learner, and it's (sadly) still true.  But God's been poking at me a lot lately about my attitude and how, really, my happiness is going to be a result of my choices.  And even though I've known that for a long time, it's a lesson that apparently needs much review for me!  So here I am, 47 years old, still trying to grow up and be the woman I need to be.  At least I can look back and see some progress....honestly, though, sometimes I feel sorry for God for having to deal with me.  :-)  I'm glad He's much more patient than I am!